Have you ever wondered how it is possible that in a group of unknown people you always find some people you can feel at ease with? How can both your consciousness and unconsciousness make you like certain people? All questions you can probably spend a life time on thinking and studying.
Today I’d like to share my ideas on the degree of cohesion with a certain amount of people in a group. Since I like using colors I’d like to use the colors green, orange and red to illustrate my thoughts.
Take a group of ten people including yourself all unfamiliar to each other. If you would put this group of people in a restricted location, let’s say on a nice and shiny tropical island, I firmly believe you will be able to see the following emerge over time:
At first everyone is neutral towards each other but that will soon change after you have spent some time with those nine people. You will find out there are people you find more interesting than others. On average this will be three of the nine people. The six that remain are the ones you don’t realIy feel anything with. I would like to name those the green circle and consists the type of people you might see every day at work or on the streets but with whom you are not really emotionally attached to. Connections are rather neutral.
With three people out of this group of ten in total you will feel connected in a way. Those are people you feel comfortable with. Those can be people with whom you for example like to have a conversation, do sports or go to the movies with. I call this type of people part of the orange circle. The color that indicated building ~ p a r t i e s ~ with friends (think of Dutch Queensday). You might let them into you life but it can also be quite superficial depending on what you allow them to see from yourself. I’ve noticed that there are people who only like to have superficial friends because that’s safe for them. Personally I can’t understand that, because it makes me think that those people are not open for or maybe even afraid for any feedback and improvement in their lives.
With one of those three you will be able to build up a more intimate friendship (not necessarily relationship). This person would belong to your red circle of friends. Some people only need to just have the constant physical company of the other in order to feel this intimate. Others need to have the constant flow of feel-good-moments to have this unique click. I personally think that such friendship will have to develop over time and willingness to creating time to see each other is important. Be aware that with this one person it acquires a lot more efforts to keep connected since your level of interaction is the highest. Trust, honesty and open-minded attitude and willingness to communicate are key here. But if the intentions from both parties is right this should be no problem. For some people this might sound scary since this person sees you very closely. This friendship will give you energy but ONLY if you have put enough energy and time into it YOURSELF. If it doesn’t work out it is only yourself to blame, not the other person. This can lead to the red blood of pain. However, if you choose to make it work it will give you the beautiful red heart in return *yay!*. It’s up to you to make this consideration, but always handle with sincere *respect*.
Always be careful if you give feedback as you might hurt the other person’s feelings and that’s the last thing you want because you care about him/her. Don’t forget that this tropical island is a place with restricted borders. If you run away from it unsolved, you can be assured that somehow and sometime it will get back to you no matter how much you try to avoid or forget. You will continuously run rounds around the island, leading you every time to the point where you ran away. Is *that* your way? Hopefully not anymore after having read this. Wishing you the best friendships ever!
Jane
@Barbara Happy Birthday To You, Happy Birthday To You, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday To You! Hieperdepiep Hoera!
